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03/01/2020

My Miscarriage Story

It has taken me almost 2 months to be able to write this post. I started off the year writing a much happier post… a pregnancy announcement. And then the unthinkable happened. I lost the baby.

It’s hard and complicated writing these words, but ultimately I know it will help myself and hopefully others because it’s easier when you know you’re not alone in your struggles. Miscarriage doesn’t have to be a secret. You don’t have to go through it alone.

Only a couple times in my life (loss of loved ones) have I ever felt the emotional pain that thinking about my miscarriage and seeing pregnancy posts causes right now. It’s like the air is being sucked out of me, like I’m being kicked in the gut, like my heart is being ripped out.

I’ve gone through a myriad of emotions, including sadness because I lost a life and embarrassment because my body wasn’t able to do what it’s supposed to. In the end, I know there’s just nothing I could have done to change what happened. There’s usually nothing any of us can do, and that might be the hardest thing to wrap my head around with pregnancy loss. There’s most often not a single thing we could have done to prevent it.

I let myself dream of a big pregnancy bump. Of a cute pregnancy announcement. Of telling our friends and family and how happy of a time it would be. I thought of names for a boy and girl. I imagined what they would look like. I pictured their first Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I’ve hated myself for letting me get so attached.

I lost my baby at 7 weeks 1 day. I looked at miscarriage statistics every day up until then trying to alleviate my anxiety. I got excited with each passing day that the chance of having a full-term pregnancy was increasing. But I am part of the 1 in 4 pregnancies that end in loss.

I am 1 in 4.

The process of pregnancy loss is painful and scary and emotional and devastating. It is hard, but you will get through this. It is ok to no be ok, and it’s ok to be ok. For anyone else out there going through this, know that you are not alone. Reach out to someone if you’re struggling, lean on others for support, and know that you are not alone.

Posted In: Lifestyle · Tagged: miscarriage, pregnancy

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Hey there! I'm so glad you stumbled over to my little piece of the internet. I'm Steph, the coffee obsessed, computer nerd, book loving, mom of 2 behind Steph Blogs.

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This past year has been a wild one. I feel like I’ve lost myself a little while trying to navigate this amazing new role as a parent. I’ve struggled with postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. I’ve struggled with taking time for myself without feeling guilty that I should be doing something more. I’ve struggled with remembering what my interests even are because my life now revolves around this beautiful little boy. I’m so thankful for this new chapter in my life, but going forward I’m going to try to add a little more me into it. My goal is to get back into some of the things I love doing and post more in the coming year. 

Some amazing updates from 2021:
1. We welcomed our first baby in May 🌈💙
2. We bought a new house 🏡 and will be moving in December! 

Share some of your big (or little) news in the comments! 🥂
#bookreview 📚 Over the Top by Jonathan Van Ness #bookreview 📚 Over the Top by Jonathan Van Ness 

⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wowww! I thought this was going to be a light, fun read like JVN’s persona on Queer Eye. I was so wrong in all the best ways! This was deep, emotional, heartbreaking, and beautiful mixed with JVN’s usual fun and witty comments. I highly recommend this book.
#CurrentRead Home Before Dark by Riley Sager I'v #CurrentRead Home Before Dark by Riley Sager
 
I've heard so many good things about this book - plus I read Lock Every Door by Riley Sager last year which was fantastic - so I'm really hoping this book lives up to the hype. We're heading into Fall which always makes me want to read some creepy thrillers (even though I'm a big baby that gets scared SO easily). I also talked my husband into reading it with me (!). We rarely read the same books because we typically like different genres but it's always a fun time when we do. I love discussing books with him (the downside being when he shits on a book I love... but i still love him anyway even if he sometimes has poor judgement). 

📖 What are you currently reading?
I have to admit I’ve just been feeling a bit ble I have to admit I’ve just been feeling a bit bleh lately. Anyone else? ⠀⠀
📚 Current read: Crushing It by Lorelei Parker
📺 Current binge: Waco on Netflix ⠀⠀
What are you reading and watching lately? I need some recommendations! ⠀⠀
* This is a throwback picture to one of my favorite cafes last year. Anyone else addicted to everything matcha? Mmm. ⠀⠀
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 #bloggerbabe #bloggergirl #bloggerlife #bloggerlifestyle #bloggerlove #bloggersdiaries #bloggersgetsocial #bloggersofinstagram #bloggerstribe #bloggervibes #bloggingcommunity #bloggercommunity #blogginggals #savvyblogging #girlblogger #blogsociety #cornersofmyworld #darlingdaily #flashesofdelight #seeksimplicity #instagramforsuccess #lifestyleblog #lifestyleblogger #lifestylebloggers #pursuepretty #thatsdarling #enjoythelittlethings #myunicornlife #thatauthenthicfeeling #makeitblissful
#bookreview ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 I decided #bookreview ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

I decided to read this book after seeing it be referred to as “the adult Harry Potter”. Harley Merlin starts out much like Harry Potter... a girl who lost her parents as a young child has some extraordinary abilities that she just doesn't fully understand. The big difference... Harley Merlin is an adult. She's currently working at a casino using her abilities as an empath to help catch cheaters. But soon something CRAZY happens and Harley is thrown into the world of magic... a world she had no idea existed. And of course, the big villain is out for none other than new magical Harley Merlin, but things don't always seem to work out in Harley's favor. There's magic, monsters, and covens... what more could you want?

Let me start off by saying, I did enjoy this book and have read up to book 6 in the series already (out of a whomping 17 books in the series!) and will continue reading until I'm bored of it. The first book I think is a bit loose on what is going on. The magical world isn't quite developed yet and there's a lot of questions that need to be answered. A lot of the characters didn't become relatable and likable to me until the 2nd and 3rd books. I find Harley a bit frustrating in the same way I found Harry Potter frustrating (stop trying to be the single-handed hero!). I would recommend this book to Harry Potter lovers, with the disclaimer that it isn't the adult version of HP. It's another book about magic that follows a VERY similar recipe as HP. 
PS. - Someone else please tell me that you think Wade sounds dreamy too..!?
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#goodreadchallenge2020 #2020reads #quarantinereads #quarantineandread #bookishlove #booksbooksbooks #bookstagrammer #bookwormlife #igreads #readersofinstagram #readingismagic #welovebooks #bookrecommendation #bloggerbabe #bloggerlife #bloggersdiaries #bloggervibes #bloggingcommunity #cornersofmyworld #darlingdaily #flashesofdelight  #booklife #instagramforsuccess #prettybooks #booksofig #booksaremagic #mustlovebooks #bookbloggers #readmorebooks
Just reminiscing on visiting cute shops and cafes Just reminiscing on visiting cute shops and cafes 😋 .
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#batchllc #blogandbeyond #alittlebeautyeveryday #dailydoseofcolor #sheisnotlost #supportsmallbusinesses #simplethingsmadebeautiful #darlingdaily #capturequiet #cornersofmyworld
#momentsofmine #abmlifeisbeautiful #lifestyleblogs #bloggingcommunity #bloggercommunity #bloggerdiaries #livethelittlethings #wherenext #abmhappylife #bloggersofinstagram
#instagramforsuccess #blogginggals #bloggersgetsocial #bloggerlove #darlingmoments #makeitblissful #flashesofdelight #makemoments #thewanderingtourist #bloggerstribe
Happy 2nd anniversary to my wonderful husband ❤️. There’s no one else I’d rather quarantine with. .

J and I got engaged on my birthday in March 2018. Soon after we said, "Why wait?" and ran off to get eloped. We were married by a ballroom dance instructor/officiant (that we had called an hour earlier from our driveway) in a tree-lined field behind her dance studio. We road tripped to the Catskill Mountains and spent a long weekend zip lining on the longest & highest zipline in North America (600+ feet off the ground & 50+ mph), eating some of the best food at the Culinary Institute of America & all the other amazing restaurants in the area, and taking in the beautiful scenery of the Catskills. .
** please enjoy this random assortment of pictures because neither of us enjoy getting our picture taken

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